I have a fear of being average. It is an insecurity. It is sin because it is really a fear of being irrelevant or insignificant. Average, at least how I’m interpreting it, has little to do with my spiritual impact and everything to do with my status. It is sin because it is about self. And yet, the formation of maturing into the likeness of Jesus is in the shape of a cross—a shape that leads only to death.
The historical audience of Jesus had no confusion about “taking up your cross”. It only led to a crucifixion. It did not lead to revenge or popularity or even satisfaction, but a brutal and shameful death. So again my fear of being average is a fear that I won’t have a good seat at the table. And that is sin because I am to choose the last seat, not because I am pathetic or lack self-worth. Instead, the last seat, the cross, the lonely prayers at night, the removing of your tongue and your hands—it is all done with joy knowing the security and success of Jesus’ cross. And that is a finished cross.
Fear is a love of self. It is a misplaced hope that my self can fix, destroy, remediate, manipulate—do all things. But while I can attempt to fix and destroy and remediate and manipulate, I can actually do nothing of importance except for taking up my cross. It is a singular act that lasts for a lifetime. It is a directional decision that must be made daily. There is no room for orthodoxy or ritual in the midst of surrendering. The self must die a private death for if it is too public then it will find a way even in that to boast. In the dark, under the pure light of a Father, the self finds adoption. This death will inevitably become public, like a crucifixion. And like Golgotha, dying leads to living and your living will raise the banner of the Son across the earth.
Thus, it is Valentine’s Day—whatever that means. The creeds of Hallmark cards cannot prevent affairs nor can a dozen roses promote the soul to selfless love. There is an epidemic of too much love. We, as a society, love ourselves too much. The way forward is not extreme asceticism for that only leads to performance. The way forward is with the Son and your cross.
I have my cross—killing my fears and getting even lower than average.
Happy Valentine’s Day—whatever that means.
